Alright, my apologies, this came out a little more slowly than I wanted because I was watching the press conference that happened right after Tiger, a porn star and her lawyer as him for an apology to her.

While the emotional damage that may have been done there could be very real, her lawyer blew it out of the water when she said, "Tiger made my client feel like she was the only woman in his life - other than his wife."

Uh, because the wife, who just happens to be a stunningly beautiful model, wasn't enough there. Also, don't they teach in law school to use someone's name when trying to elicit sympathy, or is that just on T.V.?

Anyway, like I said, sorry, back to your regularly choreographed Tiger Woods hour.

Some advice to the greatest golfer and most well marketed man in the world: read your statement before you walk up to the podium. It was painfully obvious that he didn't do this. Oh, and like I saw on a couple of tweet, rent a teleprompter. I promise the Republicans won't make fun of you.

Some of his comments (not in any order):

"Now, every one of you has every reason to be critical of me."

"As Elin pointed out to me, my real apology to her will not come in the form of words. It will come in my behavior over time. We have a lot to discuss. However, what we say to each other will stay between the two of us."

"I have let you down and I have let down my fans."

I know I have bitterly disappointed all of you."

"I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position. For all that I have done, I am so sorry."

"I have a lot to atone for."

Raises voice: "There has never been an episode of domestic violence in our marriage...Elin deserves praise, not blame."

"I had affairs, I cheated. What I did is not acceptable and I am the only person to blame." "I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply."

"My failures have made me look at myself in a way I've never wanted to before."

"I have a long way to go."

"I need to regain my balance, and be centered."

"When I return I need to make my behavior more respectful of the game."

"I ask you in your heart, to one day, believe in my again."

Tiger also announced that he did in fact do inpatient therapy for 45 days and will be returning tomorrow, something that was widely speculated after other statements yesterday.



An old friend of mine tweeted: "Tiger Woods is on seven channels right now, I think. I haven't checked MTV Jams yet." Something that makes you laugh of course, but really captures the scope of this whole thing. Fox News carried the Tiger press conference. They routinely miss Obama pressers.

This was the biggest news in recent memory. He is a Michael Jackson level superstar.

I want to credit Tiger for something. Often times when athletes do these "admission press conferences," whether they be for cheating or steroids or what have you, they use big words and dance. Kobe using the word "adultery" came to mind right away. Tiger flat out said, "I had affairs (plural), I cheated." He also revealed something about himself that many people already thought, but was a rare glimpse into his head: "I convinced myself that normal rules don't apply."

For those parts, though obviously not written by him (much credit go to his lawyers here as well), he made himself look pretty good. The rest was rather iffy. The raising of the voice in defense of his family, the hugging of his mother, etc., good photo ops.

The fact remains here that Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, blowing away the innocent image, not only of himself, but of the game of golf. As far as he is concerned, he is right, these things should stay in house. Obviously that isn't going to happen. But he is clearly going to try and I like that.

As far as golf is concerned, come on man. This is GOLF. It has got to be the biggest game of rich white men ever. The next Desperate Housewives should feature all golf couples. Honestly, well, you get the point. The ends the innocence conversation.

I was about to say here that I hope Tiger comes back and plays golf again (which I do). But my reasoning was flawed. His endorsements and all of that that has come from his image is this wholesome family guy are obviously questionable. But you know what, these companies have the choice of whether or not to continue endorsing him. If they do, that's their problem. So yes, I hope he comes back. I hope he sets records. I hope he solidifies himself as the greatest golfer of all time.

And then I hope that, at his retirement press conference, broadcast to everyone in the Northern Hemisphere through some sort of ridiculous, new television technology, he tells the world: remember those issues I had with my family? They were family issues. We took care of them with the family. Families break up sometimes, but we still loved our children and we did everything we could to support them. Then, I admitted I had a problem and got help. What I never did was cheat in the game of golf. I deserve my success on the course because of the work that I did. I am a whole person, defined by my talents, my questionable morality and whatever else happens between now and then.

What I am not, is a world savior. I'm a golfer and I was lucky enough to be damn good at that. If you want a savior, you won't find it in the flesh.

Finally, there are many you will say that Tiger doesn't owe "us" an apology. I basically agree with that. He didn't cheat on me. I'm a Tiger fan, but I didn't have his kids. I don't think, as inferred above, the he disgraced the game of golf (and even if you did, I don't play professional golf). There is something to be said, however, about apologizing to parents and kids the revered him. For those who says that parents are crazy to let their kids pick professional athlete role model, well yeah, that's accurate. But that doesn't mean that they won't. And for those who don't have too many other good ones, athletes are perfect. I'll admit, Gary Payton was probably one of mine. Sure would explain how much s*** I talk on the basketball court.

So I can see why he might owe them apology. I can also see why he should be the spokesperson for the "stop using athletes as role models" campaign. Which is one of the reasons I like that he mentioned the continued work of his foundation, which focuses on education, where real role models are found.